Getting Clear

This week a seemingly random and distant memory came floating back into my mind, of a conversation with my cousin Angie many years ago. At the time, she had a young child, Benjamin. As Ben transitioned from baby food into little boy meals, a proper and effective diet proved elusive to achieve. It seemed that almost all conventional-store foods were causing him to break out with allergic reactions and a rash all over. 

When Angie and I talked, she had arrived at what was at the time, a perplexing approach for my 20-something (year-old) mind to consider. After many visits with doctors and specialists, countless purchases and preparations of specialty food alternatives, she announced straightforwardly that she would simply feed Ben a normal diet, and his body would have to adjust. I remember very specifically her stating, “this is the world we live in, and he will have to live in it too.” 

Perhaps due to my own budding awareness of the shortcomings of the average American diet, including and especially my own through my first forays of independent-eating, I had trouble understanding how simply accepting the average diet could be the answer. I was already accustomed at this point to seeing poor Ben’s face covered in hives as a regular occurrence of such a choice. Yet also, I had to admit, that despite all the efforts towards alternatives, none had rendered the desired effect. 

As I reflected on the situation, an interesting thing happened inside of me. I realized that in a situation which demanded an answer, I didn’t have one. I didn’t know what she and Ben should do. I could pretend I did, and make a case in a certain direction, based on ideas that I thought I knew. But I knew it was all speculation, not truth. For this reason, I believe this conversation has held a place in my psyche for over 20 years now - It was a pivotal moment of knowing that I don’t actually know. 

In looking back on this experience now, I believe she had something greater than books and ideas and the ever-swinging conventional knowledge of men, which often only promises to be different tomorrow. I realize now that Angie had her own, inner relationship with life - in getting clear about what steps to take and why.

Today, I can clearly observe that Angie’s approach has borne the fruits of getting clear with God. Ben’s body did adjust, and he grew out of the allergic reactions which had created so much difficulty in those formative years. And Ben himself has grown up into a remarkable 20-something year old young man - a musician, an athlete, a gardener, and a student. 

Though I’ve never asked Angie about it, I can clearly see now that rather than adhering to any particular ideology, she was looking for God’s hand, not her own; she was open to the actual solution in God, not trying to make it up or pretend she knew an answer that she didn't. She operated in faith, not fear - something I could scarcely relate to at that time of my life. 

Each of us must strive to learn everything we are able to in this world, and especially to apply everything that we have learned. But only when we hand this all over to God - that universal, beneficent being, within and without us, do we start to embark on a life lived in the way it is meant to be lived: Free from pride of our own pedigree; free from fear of what the future may hold; free from perpetual judgement of others and ourselves; and free from the ego’s agenda to attain for self or take all the credit. Free, to live life free. 

When we come to any crossroads in life - whereby we truly don't know the answer, and we are granted the humility to realize it - this is the opportunity of this moment, to surrender anew into this process of growing in our own Truth - of getting clear in God. 

We do this not by spending all our time flitting inside our own mind, pursuing life for what we can get out of it, or trying to re-make it according to our own desires. But rather, by meeting the needs of this unfolding life, with a calm and steady faith in the revelation of His unfolding plans, and by becoming ever-willing agents for His will to be done.  Through our willingness, and through our faith in His presence, we walk hand in hand with God. 

We do well to ask ourselves, am I willing to do whatever I am prompted to do, even as it sometimes means going against this little ego-self identity? Am I willing to put out more energy for the righteous cause, even as it may mean upsetting another or being crucified myself? Am I willing to learn new skills and lessons, and to make the necessary and righteous changes in myself? Am I positive and energetic for this Life? 

Conversely, am I yet able to know that ultimately, all is in God's hands? That this life, this whole world, every success and failure I encounter, comes from Him? This growing faith enables us to find the Source of God at the heart of everything. And in our Soul's humility, he makes us totally clear in His Truth. 

May we all, like cousin Angie did for Ben, learn to get clear in ourselves as we go about the challenges of this life - with humility and courage, willingness and faith, hand in hand with God.